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I had stopped taking hormone replacement therapy after the health scares. Perhaps I could blame it on that.I told Ginny about my confrontation with Howard. She scolded me for being so careless. She knew of my desire to take a lover. She does not approve. She warned me that Howard would never accept it. She can't understand why I would want to cheat on him. She sees him as the perfect husband. She's right of course. He is perfect. Too perfect.Why am I so hell-bent on self-destruction? Why do I think I can have my wonderful husband and another man on the side? I don't understand myself. It's not like I haven't had the experience of other men before Howard and I met. I know the difference. I know how much better Howard is than other men. What is driving me to the edge of this cliff?Maybe I am crazy. Maybe I do need psychiatric help. Maybe it does have to do with menopause. Too many questions. Too much confusion. I won't solve these questions lying in bed. It was time to get up and. His sleeping quarters was an enclosed section under a work bench in the garage that was shared with the cats. With a lamp for light and warmth, of course he had the luxury of coming into the house and yes I let him sleep on the floor in my room some nights. But it didn’t take him long to want to explore more than his yard. Especially when we had gone out hunting in the boat and Chucks didn’t understand the game limit. I would come in from a hunt and he would turn around and swim back out to the hunting grounds. I would clean the fowl and eat breakfast, go to work come home and sit on the back porch and relax and watch the river roll by. Numchucks would swim up from the river with a rabbit, Coot or squirrel, no telling what and walk up the steps to the back porch and drop his catch at my feet, sit down and wag his tail. You gotta love a dog like that. I can only assume his blood line was instilled from the Clampets, (Beverly Hillbillies), for some of his personal prize catches were.
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